Value in Work
I’m sensing a lot of tension in my body when it comes to going to work.
Yesterday started out incredibly tense and stressful even though it turned out to be a pleasantly ideal evening. The tension in my body at work is now comparable to what I experienced when I first moved back home after a 10 year relationship. It feels confining, like there are too many rules. Even social interactions are forbidden in some instances. Its Hell. Its literal Hell the working world; schedules to plan around, punching the clock, being nice to people that are unleashing all their demons on you.
It feels like I am complaining, I sense that. Still I take this stance. I have value. I am not above doing things but I am not dispensible. I came pre-loaded with software, so no training was necessary for me. Often times I don’t even need their health recommendation computer program because of the way I was trained. I know herbs as groups. I know ailments and I even know some diagnosis codes. My experiences make me valuable, I’ll say that with confidence. [As an aside, I really do want to mention that there is actually a computer system that they are unable to transfer to the new computer at the new store (which is hysterical to me)].
That brought something alive about being fully confident in the roots. There’s been a huge transformation in the way I relate with my family and therefore the way I relate with authority in the past 2.5 years while the nodes were in Taurus and Scorpio. There is shared respect between authority and me. I sense that Authority sees my struggle, just as I see Authority’s struggle. Authority’s struggle: dying out, becoming old, falling apart, crumbling infrastructure, deterioration. How do I help with this? I plant things: life, seeds of intention, I dance, I pray, I present a life fully lived and observed. I have to now be willing to take that into my local communities and ultimately communities at large.
Right now, its a focus on the local community with Venus retrograding in my third house. This house focuses on siblings, cousins, local community, neighbors. I have my Jupiter in this house, which is the great benefic planet so for me it feels very fortunate! It really does feel like this too; just last year I was writing about how much I couldn’t stand my grandpa. Yesterday, when I got home for work he was so happy to see me, and even I to see him like that. My mom and grandma cooking in the kitchen, niece and nephew with headphones on, glued to their own screens so they can sit with grandpa all in the same room while watching their toons. Then my sister showed up to pick the kids up and stayed to chat for a bit, I gave her fish oil to take for the week. This was all after going to see my dad at the shop and hanging out there for a little while. The home life, the family life, is starting to feel really magical.
So why then must I always find a master? It couldn’t be settled at quitting my job to continue the same harmonious life at home. The fact that I am leaving the home makes the home life harmonious. It means I have to face the discomfort of work and see what it is coming from. I don’t need to devote myself to work, but I am devoted to the idea of my big plans to cultivate a food forest. There are steps I am taking to get there and having a steady income is part of that, even if its just a part-time gig. This job is starting to encroach on my time though. It doesn’t seem to be very aware of my other things I have going on. Perhaps I simply need to shed some light on my other commitments even if this means that I am not the right fit for this position and should find something else more part-time. The important thing is to remain fully present in the value I bring rather than trying to live up to expectations of other people.
