Sole Sol Soul
I feel like two different people sometimes… or perhaps even more, but definitely, at least two minds.
I believe very deeply and honestly in something greater than myself; a higher power, God, the Source, the Universe. I can almost certainly guarantee it exists as an observer. Otherwise, what is that which I experience after I’ve been off just thinking? That moment when I realize I’ve been just thinking, the very realization seems to be of a separate mind. As though someone has brought me back. But Who? That is the question I think we all have.
I’ve been creating space in the mornings and evenings for meditation with the Waking Up App. I’ve been sharing that space with members of the Dark Horse Discord community, for my own accountability and also for the group’s. For today’s Daily Meditation, we were instructed (again) to “look for the thinker”. My term for this same phenomenon is the ‘Observed Mind’. Ultimately, beneath all of our emotions and thoughts, this ‘thinker’ is contained within The Observer (or Consciousness), or at least this is how it seems. The way Sam puts it is quite eloquent, “Consciousness is the medium within which everything else arises”.
I make this effort of training myself to come back to center because its really helped me when my emotions want to take the reins over my actions. If I am particularly angry or if I feel very sad, I don’t attempt to eliminate these feelings. I watch them and comfort myself in whatever way is helpful. Sometimes I can breathe through my rage or sometimes I need to act it out and punch pillows while snarling. Overtime, I’ve become more likely to just need the breathing exercises. If I am sad, and I begin to cry, I let myself have that space but I don’t become attached to the feeling. Sometimes it can be rather euphoric to cry and sometimes its very difficult to stop once I’ve started. But as I do, I move in and out of the mindset of that person who is hurting and some source of love that comforts. Encouraging words and healing vibrations. Does this come from outside in?
I like to flip books open to a random page and read from them sometimes. Today’s book was Women Who Run With the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D. Within Chapter 7, there is a section on La Mariposa, The Butterfly Woman (Page 223). She is an elder woman that embodies the spirit of transformation. Though, perhaps, underwhelming in appearance to any modern person that is attuned to only one version of beauty, the dancer is always an older woman because she represents “the soul that is old”. The author of the book describes the audience as those who drive out west for summer vacation. Those who want to feel some sort of connection to the ancestors. Those that might not know their family tree beyond grandparents. Those that are longing for meaning and looking for it within the traditions of these still existing tribes.
“The great powers are testing to see if humans have yet learned to recognize the greatness of soul in all its varying forms.”
— Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D
Another nice quote to end on…
“Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light; I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.”
— Sarah Williams
Originally written in Collective Journaling at The Stoa