Serving the Sub
One day, I was talking to a guy online about how I’d been piecing together failed relationships to explore my shadow. We got on the topic of BDSM at some point, and he said two things I found interesting:
- No part of BDSM is an identity, it is an expression.
- Being the dom is not about being selfish, it is about serving the sub in a way that is mutually beneficial.
I feel like these same principles could be applied to our ordinary relationships.
- You do not have to choose a static identity to maintain all the time.
- We should do things for one another in the spirit of joy.
Even though humbling into voluntary servitude is dangerously close to becoming an indentured servant, we are all riding this line everyday. We serve our own interests. Our interests develop into our habits. Our habits become routines. Those routines turn into lifestyles. Those lifestyles are who we are.
So in what or where are those interests rooted? In reality, we are not serving anyone else when we act in this world. We are impressing our Observer Mind or satisfying our Observed Mind.
The Observer Mind is the innate healer. It sends signals through our bodies’ natural instincts to guide the mind. It’s the feminine, yin energy.
The Observed Mind is the inner authority. It is the thinker that uses logic to attempt to solve every problem. It’s the masculine, yang energy.
We decide how much of each of these energies to incorporate into our essence and that recipe is expressed by our actions. As has been said: “You are what you do daily”.
Now I’ll attempt to apply that BDSM analogy to the Observed Mind and the Observer Mind.
If the Observed Mind does not feel good, it takes action, but without input from the Observer Mind, it must use a process of trial and error.
The Observer Mind is often ignored causing us to mistreat our bodies.
Notice, if the yang or masculine energy is actually serving in a sub role, we have the ability to guide the ego to the higher self of serving through compassion.
Or we can choose to be a submissive feminine or yin energy, overpowered by a masculine dom that only seeks to serve its own interests. Every human can move through masculine and feminine and we all need to balance in our own.
Take care and Take a good look at yourself.
Originally written in Collective Journaling at The Stoa
