Knock Knock Knockin’ on a Hobbit’s Door

Bernadette Judaea
3 min readMar 8, 2023

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When it comes to brining in people I know, I feel extra vulnerable.

Photo by Jeff Finley on Unsplash

I have changed so much in three years, the people I once knew feel to me like distant strangers from a past life. Not always, but especially when I think about reaching out to them for support. Never in all my years did I think I would be an Astrologer. It doesn’t feel like a safe decision but its wonderfully enchanting. I’ve demystified it a little for myself by studying and learning, so just as a magician perfects a magic trick with practice, I give my attention to the mandala everyday for at least one sitting but usually several more. I do what others feel overwhelmed to do. Its a skill I work on daily. Its the person I’ve become after these three years of commitment.

Seeing through the veil of society feels like a rite of passage that doesn’t get the reverence it deserves. Maybe it is something that requires a quiet celebration. We don’t want to announce to the officials that we’ve peaked behind the curtain. In that case, it is hard to say who all has peaked; which of the old friends has made it to the mountain top and could use company on the walk back home? The only way to know is to extend an offer. To be present and available for their awakening moment.

I am grateful that I had people there to walk with me. Some walked ahead after holding me for a while, some fell behind, but now I feel empowered by those that walk along side me. Its because I know other seekers that I can present as one myself. History hasn’t been good to the rambling kind, but we find ourselves restless. If we don’t put home on our backs and walk with it, then we will be stuck with the circumstances as they are. The internet presents a practical way of doing this. I keep my home in my pocket and the world is my oyster. So to create the pearl, it starts with a single grain of sand, and over time a precious stone develops.

The Sun is moving into Gene Key 22, so the gift of graciousness comes up for me here. Graciously settle the debt. The humbling part is what feels like a fresh wound. Accepting the feelings of shame. A deep release; a purge that feels intrusive. Exposing the authentic present self transforms the young person that only just learned. We are teleported to the sensation of failing, of rejection, and we must face it differently. We find the gift of graciousness in the shadow frequency of dishonor. The transmutation occurs when we stop passing the blame for our circumstances. It comes from identifying where our wounds are attacking others.

“The wounds cry out over and over for our awareness.” -Richard Rudd

I’m setting the intention now to get back into recording for the days of the planets (and luminaries), but I’ve been in this space of a complete fog. I’ve had several moments where life no longer felt real but more like a movie or a fictional story. Deja vu has caught me by surprise several times over the past couple of weeks. The ending of my Saturn return feels incredibly dreamy and mystical. Whats the harm in playing in the imaginal play box for a couple of years?

well… with Pisces, it could be quick sand... or… sand man sand…. but other than that it could be fun XD

Originally written in Collective Journaling at The Stoa

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