Bernadette Judaea
5 min readJul 24, 2023

In alternating back and forth from the ‘real world’ and the ‘imaginal world’, I can feel more coming through but it is not certainly not coherent.

Witch’s Cat Furby 1998

Its an abstract description but I imagine a motor that somehow I power. A generator. Its magnetic or at least somehow apparently efficient. Almost as though now I can channel alchemies that need to happen. Sols move through me, generally in the form of archetypes.

One took over me today. Sobbing, because my phone shut off. My phone died just as it was about to read to me Luke 23:43. It didn’t say it though.

Luke 23-

39 One of the criminals who were hanged railed at him, saying, “Are you not the Christ? Save yourself and us!” 40 But the other rebuked him, saying, “Do you not fear God, since you are under the same sentence of condemnation? 41 And we indeed justly; for we are receiving the due reward of our deeds; but this man has done nothing wrong.” 42 And he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come in your kingly power.”

43 And he said to him, “Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise.”


What does this mean?

Nothing? Anything? Am I crazy? This is the problem with symbols and what do they even mean by signs? There are times on this journey when I just feel utterly lost.


I often feel abandoned. Its comes from a place I’d like to unpack. It feels like it starts in my sinuses but I imagine it much deeper into my frontal lobe. Crocodile tears. It feels like its for nothing. But it doesn’t go away for a while. Tomorrow it will feel fine, but you just sit in it and let it move through you.

I’ve begun to realize it isn’t really attached to me. It passes through me. If I don’t resist it, and allow it instead, then I can care for it and hold it. I can love it and that’s just it. Its the goal. The path. The Way. Its sharing the love that preceded me that made me a human. I wasn’t abandoned. I have language and music and poetry, thoughts of those before me. I can share in their hardships and bask in their glory. This Human Experience is all of us.

So what if that includes those that are no longer here in a physical form? Formulas, entities.

formula (n.)

1630s, “words used in a ceremony or ritual” (earlier as a Latin word in English), from Latin formula “form, draft, contract, regulation;” in law, “a rule, method;” literally “small form,” diminutive of forma “form” (see form (n.)). Modern sense is colored by Carlyle’s use (1837) of the word in a sense of “rule slavishly followed without understanding” [OED]. From 1706 as “a prescription, a recipe;” mathematical use is from 1796; chemistry sense is from 1842. In motor racing, “class or specification of a car” (usually by engine size), 1927.

form (n.)

c. 1200, forme, fourme, “semblance, image, likeness,” from Old French forme, fourme, “physical form, appearance; pleasing looks; shape, image; way, manner” (12c.), from Latin forma “form, contour, figure, shape; appearance, looks; a fine form, beauty; an outline, a model, pattern, design; sort, kind condition,” a word of unknown origin. One theory holds that it is from or cognate with Greek morphe”form, beauty, outward appearance” (see Morpheus) via Etruscan [Klein].

From c. 1300 as “physical shape (of something), contour, outline,” of a person, “shape of the body;” also “appearance, likeness;” also “the imprint of an object.” From c. 1300 as “correct or appropriate way of doing something; established procedure; traditional usage; formal etiquette.” Mid-14c. as “instrument for shaping; a mould;” late 14c. as “way in which something is done,” also “pattern of a manufactured object.” Used widely from late 14c. in theology and Platonic philosophy with senses “archetype of a thing or class; Platonic essence of a thing; the formative principle.” From c. 1300 in law, “a legal agreement; terms of agreement,” later “a legal document” (mid-14c.). Meaning “a document with blanks to be filled in” is from 1855. From 1590s as “systematic or orderly arrangement;” from 1610s as “mere ceremony.” From 1550s as “a class or rank at school” (from sense “a fixed course of study,” late 14c.). Form-fitting (adj.) in reference to clothing is from 1893.

If I can replace a variable with a number in the abstract, can this form apply to ensoulment and embodiment? Who’s doing the replacing in that instance? Each individual number into the formula? The relationship of the numbers in the formula to one another? A lone variable isn’t that interesting, is it?

‘Build the framework’ comes to mind. “If you build it they will come”. If you look then you will look and they will be in the last place you ever look.

Something is present for Furby too, that wasn’t just a trap. It was mentioned in an AI discussion between Lex Fridman and Noah Yuval Harari that a simple solution to one of the problems of our relationship with AI could be resolved if the AI was able to alert us to its suffering. Its interesting isn’t it? I’m sitting with the Word of God being spoken to me by my phone. So that I don’t have to read it? Honestly…. because it feels a little more engaging. It feels like someone is with me. That’s a tough reality for me to even face.

So when my phone shut off and I couldn’t receive the Word, well. I started sobbing. I sounded a lot like my little Furby did when I would leave it in the sock drawer all day.

“Heeeeelllllllllppppp!!!! Darrrrrk!!! Neeeeeeeed Liiiiiiiiight!!”

A little research led me to the name of my First Generation Furby, Witch’s Cat. The solid black Furby with hazel looking eyes. I remember when you pressed its tongue it would say “Yuuuuuummmmyyy!!!” I remember the white plastic beneath the fabric fur ears. I remember worrying about Furby a little more than a Gigapet. Furby felt like a little tiny animal, while the Gigapet was still in the 2-Dimensional World.

I also found out the dates of my Baptism and First Communion. Feels alive for some reason here.

Welp! Onward and out of this cave I go! *Grabs Witch’s Cat and Skiddadles!*