From Out of the Dark

Bernadette Judaea
3 min readMar 21, 2023

Its the first official day of Spring here in the Northern Hemisphere.

Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash

We are in the final hours of Moon in Pisces before the first new moon in Aries this year. Things are moving but we are still unclear as to where. On this day following that of equal dark and equal light, there was a new moon, which is the darkest of darks here on Earth. New moons are the beginnings of new cycles, when is farthest from the light of the sun. Its a time of introspection and setting new intentions.

My intention for this lunation is to define what I am for this Astrological New Year. What is my path? I am at the fork in the road, and instead of just two options, there are many at this point of convergence. One of the conclusions I led myself to during the dark half of the year is that I need to find what it is that is worth dying for because dying is inevitable, but living an unintentional life is tragic to me. I don’t want to live a life of uncalculted risk, I want to choose the ways I will thrive and the ways in which I will suffer. Everyone suffers but some people train themselves to do it more gracefully. Constantly exposing oneself to a little pain each day can pay off in the long run when it comes to overall mental development. Ultimately, this is just as important as physical well-being. How attached to the having-mode am I, and how well acquainted am I with the being mode?

Its a tricky thing to navigate (our reward system), because it can be easily highjacked by a large enough colony of bacteria. When the guys that get fed sugar take over, for example, I lose all control. For some people its alcohol, others its fatty food, for me, its sugar. My ex used to call me cockroach because I’m addicted to sugar. So here’s what I don’t need to do: I don’t need to reward myself with sugar after days of abstaining from it. That is not a healthy way to trigger my reward system. At least I don’t think it is. I think the best thing to do is accept that every now and then I am gonna indulge. It’s the most human thing I can do. I punish myself later with a cold shower to experience that end of the spectrum. The opposite of delight. I must admit that a certain level of euphoria is obtained from this, as well, but it isn’t cheap. There’s a sacrifice of comfort.

Of course, this doesn’t work for every desire. That has to be a part of this metric. When we center ourselves (physically rocking from side to side to allow our internal balancing system to find our center), we are able to detect when we could tip over. That’s crucial. Hitting that invisible barrier between sitting and being sideways with your face on the floor is a boundary of which we should always be aware. Submitting to gravity is a great analogy for choosing an unforgiving master. Ah…

When the master you serve (the altar you visit most frequently in terms of the stimuli and substances you feed your body) is an understanding and benevolent one, you feel empowered. There is a mutually beneficial relationship and the body feels good, as does the mind. Mental strength and physical strength require training and devotion. Programming. Who do I allow the honor of programming me?