A Delightfully Taboo UnEssay
The word taboo comes from the Polynesian ‘tapu’ which has been best described as ‘spriritual restriction’. Tapu did not start out as a way to punish people, it was restrictions that were established for the purpose of protecting. Protecting the island and her people from actions that were harmful to the mana or spiritual life-force. Nowadays, the concept of taboo helps a culture determine who the outsiders are. If you don’t know the song and dance then you ain’t one of us, kinda thing. The term has been used to justify norms such as: places not being open on Sundays or the illegality of going topless on Tongatapu, the island where the word comes from. (That goes for men too).
taboo: n. a custom or rule against doing, using, or mentioning something.
taboo: adj. Forbidden by social authority, convention, or custom.
Webster’s Dictionary. Landolls, Inc. 1997
Or my favorite, ‘implied prohibition’.
Which begs the question: whom or what is doing the implying about something being taboo? Well, for starters, the answer relies heavily on whom or what you ask. From culture to culture (even person to person), taboo means something different, but whatever it is seems to be connected with our dark side.
Within our collective shadow lies a secret to our primitive nature. The behaviors we try to bury are what unite us in some odd way. We all escape the brutal truth of our existence by placing value on the tasks we do.
The sad reality that we’ve created is painfully meaningless, so we use pacifiers to get us through to the next day. Since life requires participation of some sort (even if that’s just metabolizing food and reproducing), humans value pleasure over complex solutions to problems. Problems, after all, cost a lot of energy and sometimes troubleshooting can seem like a waste of time.
We have hacked our instincts with things like sugar, consumer goods, and gobs of porn; anything to bring us comfort. However, we recognize we are just filling a void so instead of talking about it, we fall into a pattern to spend less time thinking about it. Work to buy things that we have no time to use because we have to work.
There is an evolutionary purpose for all human behaviors, even those that we would rather not talk about. Experiences accumulate like software on a computer and are passed down to develop as instincts in the next generation.
That is why shame is so potent. Fear of embarrassment causes social anxiety, or fear of being perceived in a way that is inferior. The reason being: nobody wanted to be shunned by the group, as the group offered protection. The old strength in numbers idea.
There’s that whole Game of Thrones scene where Cersei walks naked while people launch shit and repeat “shame” at her. Which was punishment for assisting in the death of her husband and committing adultery with her cousin in one fell swoop. Two pretty major sins resolved for the price of one walk of shame.
Having the ability to freely explore the idea realm is vital for defining the full human experience. We have messy beginnings that are -at times- unsavory, but those actions are part of why each of us is here today. Our traits are most likely a developed resistance to unforgiving conditions of some kind.
Somewhere down the line we developed the recognition that being part of a group is much easier and worth the inconvenience of some rules. Also, as one might imagine, lone wolves don’t reproduce as easily as those that hang out with other wolves all day. In the same way, humans that congregated are just statistically more likely to be able to pass their genes into the next generation than humans that go wandering in the desert by themselves.
There is something really powerful in sharing ideas and seeing the human experience through another person’s eyes. Such connections make it obvious that we rely on each other to develop reality. Given we have been conditioned to think we should hide in shame of mere thoughts, our reality is sometimes kinda fake. It is drenched in fear of being ex-communicated, which causes us to act differently than we would otherwise.
The word taboo has strayed from its original meaning, as is often the case with translations. It was described to preserve the spiritual life force of the universe. Certain things were off limits because they were too sacred or too dangerous for people. That sort of temperance does require discipline so it makes sense that if the individuals are functioning optimally, then the collective can, as well.
With mental health becoming such a major concern in modern society, one of the treatments for several conditions is therapy. Where else do we discuss taboo matters more freely than therapy?
Delightfully Taboo will be an ongoing project to explore taboo topics. So far, its mostly me and my new friend Aniza that are interested. I met Aniza in my first Clubhouse room for the Delightfully Taboo Club, where I was talking about the etymology of the word to try to get some writing material for this very post.
Aniza sat in the audience while I bantered with another Clubhouse friend on the topic. After probably an hour of mostly just shooting the shit, I announced I was going to close the room. Aniza raised her hand to speak and when she got on the stage she told me she hoped I would keep having meetings for the club.
The next meeting, I began reading from Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain to commemorate his life on the anniversary of his death. Aniza hopped up just to say hello and then dropped back down to the audience to listen to me read. Other faces would pop up in the audience, some stuck around for a page or two, but Aniza remained the entire time, each time even though she’s already read the book herself.
I appreciate that, and its also really motivated me to continue this little endeavor. It will be heavy sometimes when we discuss things like cannibalism and suicide. There will be uncomfortable moments and the beauty in that is the reactions are authentic.
All this to say, there is so much unexplored territory in the taboo realm. It is, by design, off limits and undiscussed. Until now. Just kidding, it isn’t that serious anymore.
